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 PDR: PERSONAL FUNNY TRUE STORIES

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PaulDaleRoberts



Number of posts : 1069
Registration date : 2009-05-17

PostSubject: PDR: PERSONAL FUNNY TRUE STORIES   Sat Aug 28, 2010 5:51 am

PDR: PERSONAL FUNNY TRUE STORIES
BY PAUL DALE ROBERTS

THE RUNAWAY!
When I was a kid, I ran away from home in Monterey. After a few days, scrounging food, I decided to sneak back into my parent's home. I hid underneath the bed and in the middle of the night, I would sneak food out of the refrigerator. I did this for 2 days...and on the last night, my mother would play the song over and over again...'One Less Bell to Answer' by the Fifth Dimension. Listening to the lyrics, I believed she was playing this song because of my absence. The lyrics say: "One less bell to answer, one less egg to fry". I jumped from underneath my bed and ran up to my mother with open arms and said..."Mom, you don't have to play that song anymore, I am here!" My mother did not embrace me back and merely said..."did you take the ham?"

DIRTY UNDERWEAR!
Another funny story...is when I had a male roommate in Citrus Heights, he had a bad habit of leaving his underwear all over the house. What was really bad is that his underwear had skidder marks. One night I brought a date over and she saw one of the underwears with skidder marks and thought it was my underwear. I was very embarrassed. The next day, I took a long stick and gathered up all of his underwear and threw it at him. He finally learned his lesson about throwing around his underwear.

THE CIGARETTE LIGHTER!
When I was 12 years old, I was sitting with my little sister Sharon in mom and dad's car, while mom and dad were in the store. I was taking the hot cigarette lighter and burning the hairs on my sister's arms, we were laughing about it. When doing this, I accidently burned her arm with the cigarette lighter and it left a red round burn mark on her arm, she screamed bloody murder. I begged her not to tell mom and dad and I did everything for her (favors), so she wouldn't tell, when my favors ran out, she told mom and dad anyway and I got a severe spanking.

PANTS PULLED HALF WAY DOWN!
When Jason (my son) was in high school, he would wear his pants half way down his butt, exposing his underwear. I would tell Jason to put his pants back up. Jason wouldn't do it. So, I started wearing my pants half way down my butt. Jason would beg me to put my pants back up. I told him no, that I wanted to be just as cool as he. He would yell at me..."my girlfriend is coming over and she can't see you like that, you don't have on any underwear!" I told Jason, that is how I roll, I don't wear breeches. I told him, if he can't put his pants up, then I won't either. Jason would have his pants back up by the time his girlfriend would show up and I would then in turn pull my pants back up. Finally he stopped participating in this trend.

FIRE IN THE BACKYARD!
While living in Monterey, my parents left me at home with my two older brothers. My brothers got preoccupied with other things and I found myself alone at home. Home alone! Whoo hoo! I went in the backyard and took a match pack and started striking the matches and throwing them. One match catches onto some pine needles and in a matter of seconds a large pine tree in the backyard was on fire. I took the water hose and managed to hose it down, putting out the fire. The fire trucks came and when the fireman saw that the tree was safely out, scolded me about playing with matches. For one whole month my parents didn't know that I set the pine tree on fire. One day, my dad is looking out the back window...and he says to mom: "Honey...someone burned down our pine tree!"...then looks at me and yells: DALE!!! Next week my dad took me to the county fair and marched me up to Smokey the Bear and had me confess on how I was playing with matches. I never played with matches again.

THE BB GUN!
My Uncle Manuel 'Manny' Ayala tells this story at all of our family reunions. When he was a kid, he was shooting his BB Gun and saw his sister (my aunt) Lydia 'Ayala' McDonald, running across the yard. He is tempted to pull the trigger and shoot his sister, but something tells him not to do it, but he does it anyway, hits her inside her thigh and she tumbles down like a shot doe. His father comes up to him and like Zorro pulls out his belt from his hip to the air. Manny never forgot that spanking!

PORKCHOPS!
In 1974, while going over to Germany in the US Army, I started working undercover with CID (Criminal Investigations Division) DST (Drug Suppression Team). CID gave me the code name of Porkchops, while I worked undercover narcotics. 6 months down the line, I went to the Special Agent in Charge and asked him why my code name was Porkchops and he looks at me with a quizzical look and comments: "Your a f----- Puerto Rican aren't you?" I said: I am not a Puerto Rican, I have some Mexican in me! Then he said, well in that case I would have gave you the code name Burrito. One of the undercovers was code named Taco, because he was Mexican. Puerto Ricans are known to eat Porkchops, henceforth the code name.

Cute Things my Dogs Do.
Pika likes to go into the 30 pound feeder, pull out a piece of dog food, throw it in the air, chase it and eat it.
HPI pronounced Hi-Pee likes to throw the weight of his whole body on my sleeping body and fall asleep.
HPI likes to walk himself by carrying his dog leash, he also likes to walk Pika and pull on his dog leash.
HPI when wanting attention will thump the door stop, which makes a vibrating sound.
HPI and Pika both know how to knock on doors.
Pika recently learned how to roll down the car electric window to look out from the window while I am driving.

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